


End To Beginning

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon, Drama, Future, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-03-05
Updated: 2004-03-05
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:25:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian finds love with another man, will he and Justin get back together?





	End To Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

So let me bring you up to speed. Its December 2007; I'm 24 years old. I'm living in New York City, I have a small one-bedroom apartment near the park and I have a job in an art department in a New York City based ad agency. My internship at Vanguard actually did some good because I think that's what swung it in my favour when I went for the interview. So what got me to this point well you need to go back five years. After Stockwell lost the mayoral election me and Brian celebrated like we always did with several rounds of great sex. For a few weeks things were good between us, we carried on as before he'd invite me over we'd fuck then I'd leave in the morning. I started to feel a bit used but I knew Brian loved me and if things didn't change soon I probably would of left him again. However things did change Brian got a call from an agency in the New York so he left Pittsburgh for the interview, charmed his way into the job and the next thing I know is that me and Brian are living in New York together. 

I transferred to NYU and graduated 2 years ago now. Graduation day was probably the best day of my life, Brian was there at the ceremony, and he even acted like the proud boyfriend. It was a couple of days after graduation when things began to go wrong. Brian met Matthew; he was a few inches shorter than Brian, dark hair, green eyes, and a perfect smile, in other words a walking wet dream. Matthew had just turned 20 and he had just begun working at "ATP Advertising" (that's the agency Brian works at). I had worked hard for 4 years straight for my degree so I was taking a few weeks off; I weighed up my options applied for a few jobs and I did get an offer for a firm in Boston. As you can tell I turned it down because of Brian. I regret it now though I wished I had taken it, it would have saved me a lot of pain and heartache. 

I remember it like yesterday, it was the Saturday after my graduation and Brian left earlier in the day to go into work for some reason. By 9pm I began to really worry, as he had not returned. I phoned his work, his cell phone, which was switched off, and even Steve and Dan's place but they had not seen him. Steve and Dan I forgot to mention were like the New York Ted and Emmett, great friends and a really good laugh. I was curled up on the sofa asleep when Brian finally did return. I noticed the time was gone one am. I got up and stalked over to him following him into the bathroom where I asked him where he had been. His simple reply was "out" and as I got closer I could smell the other man on him so I walked back over to the sofa, curled up and fell asleep crying. A few weeks later I got a call from an agency that I work at now offering me a post in their art department and I took it. That night Brian suggested we celebrated by going out to dinner, we had reservations at 8. I got a call from him though around 7.30 telling me he would be late so he'd meet me there. But he never showed. I arrived back to the apartment kinda early around 9.30 and Brian wasn't there. He came home again just after 1am gave me some lame excuse, which I brought and that's how it went on for around 5 months, which leads me up to January 2006. However don't get me wrong when Brian and me were together it was perfect, it was great. But I remember the 17th of January 2006 it was a Tuesday. In my lunch break I decided to go to Starbucks when I saw Brian and Matthew together. I knew of Matthew because the many times Brian would make up some excuse his name came up several times, you know the usual "me and "Matt" were working and time just flew by". I had however never seen him so at the time standing in Starbucks he was just "the guy". I watched from the door in amazement of Brian's interaction with "the guy". A few minutes later Brian was saying goodbye to him. But before he left he kissed him and told him he loved him. Moving across Starbucks to the exit Brian had the biggest smile I had ever seen on his face until he saw me standing there tears slowly falling from my eyes. He immediately stopped and stared right at me. I simply turned and left called in sick for the remainder of the day and went back to Brian's apartment and packed up my belongings. It was never really a home to me towards the end anyway. I was writing a note for him for when he returned but Brian came home from seeing "the guy" before I could leave. I remember the conversation so well. 

"You leaving then?" Brian began. 

"You have to ask" 

"Look I'm sorry okay it just sorta happened and…" 

"I don't want to know, I was going to write you a note but you came back" 

"Well what did the note say?" 

"Just your standard good bye note " Brian smiled at that. 

"If it's ok I'll leave some of my stuff here till I get my own place" 

"Of course". It was then I picked up my bags and told Brian Goodbye and that I would call him when I get settled. 

That's exactly what I did. I found the apartment that I'm in now a few weeks later, moved in but instead of phoning him I went round there to my old place. That was the worst day of my life. When the door opened I came face to face with "the guy" who had no idea who I was. He knew Brian had an ex but he didn't know it was me. I had borrowed Dan's car that day to load up my stuff, which Brian actually helped me do. But we also had "the talk". I asked about "the guy", which is how I found out his name was Matthew. Brian told me how they had met a few days after my graduation, how they had fell in love and how Matthew had moved in. I think the one thing I wanted to know was what did I do wrong, what did I do to make him not love me enough that he had to cheat on me with a younger guy. I got the answer I expected "it was nothing to do with you it just happened". I then asked another question I wanted an answer for which was "did you ever really love me?" Brian just looked down at his feet probably hoping I would disappear when he stated "I did love you" and by this point I'm crying so hard a headache begins. He then adds "just not enough and not anymore". I then walked over to him briefly hugged him leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips, got in Dan's car and left. A year and a half later in august 2007, I was single, still in the same job and the same apartment. A year and a half went by and I hadn't seen Brian since that day. I had avoided all the places that he liked to go to, in case I had to endure seeing them together. I am still very much in love with Brian always will be but I am unsure if I could ever truly deeply forgive him. In August I received a phone call from Debbie back in Pittsburgh telling me Vic had died, AIDS finally getting the better of him. The funeral was arranged for the 23rd of the month which was a Thursday, I flew in on the Wednesday and spent the night at a hotel down town. I had very little sleep thinking about Vic and the prospect of seeing Brian. 

I headed straight to the funeral not wanting to be noticed. I simply wanted to say goodbye and then leave. But it never turned out that way. I stepped out the cab all dressed in black my head looking slightly downwards as I approached the crowd at the door. Emmett, Ted, Michael and Ben were standing together when I approached them. I stayed in contact with everyone continually since I left Pittsburgh 4 years ago. Emmett hugged me, everyone told me how good I was looking. I asked what I wanted to know "is he here?" Michael just replied "he will be". I simply nodded and then everyone headed inside. The funeral as expected made me cry, made me relive happy memories of my time with Vic. I only have one regret that I never properly said goodbye while he was alive. But life goes on. When I got up to leave that's when I saw them, Brian and Matthew. Sitting at the back holding hands. Brian looked right at me then slightly smiled I just stared at him, no expression on my face and left. Ted gave Emmett and me a ride back to Deb.'s when all I wanted to do was get on a plane and go home. I stayed in the kitchen though chatting with Deb about New York and my job. No one ever mentioned Matthew being there. It was as though it was normal for him to be there and like Brian and me never happened. But the day wasn't about Brian and me it was Vic's day. Around 7pm I decided to leave, my hotel bed looking very inviting. I had a flight for the next day at 2pm. That gave me enough time to see my Dad and my new brother in the morning. Laurie my dads then girlfriend, now his wife had a baby boy about the time of my graduation. I wasn't invited to the wedding nor was I told about my brother Jake until recently. My father wanted to keep me away, that's why I wasn't told about him, he didn't want his faggot son near his newborn perfect son. So as I was waiting for my cab to arrive I smoked a cigarette out front. I heard the front door open then close and then suddenly Brian sat down next to me on the curb. I never turned to look at him I just stared straight ahead. I chose to let Brian speak first. 

"How have you been?" 

"Not good, but I'm still breathing" he looked at me for a few seconds contemplating what I said then he looked away. 

"I missed you" he whispers. 

I didn't say anything I just sat there staring ahead. 

"When do you go back to New York?" Brian asked. 

"Tomorrow afternoon" at that point my cab pulled up, so I got up off the curb. 

"Justin I just want to talk" its at this point I turned around and looked at him in the eye for the first time. 

"I'm staying at the Marriott Down Town room 512, come by tonight or call me when I'm back in New York". Not waiting for a reply I got in the cab back to the hotel. 

It was around 11.15pm that same night when I was woken up by someone knocking at my hotel room door. Looking back on these events now, I hoped it was Brian on the other side of the door. Which it was. We stood staring at each other for a few seconds, and then I stepped aside to let him in. I remember he was agitated, kind of nervous. I asked if he wanted a drink, he declined. I then crawled back into my warm bed; Brian however took off his jacket and sat on the side of the bed. By this point I had calmed down or maybe coz Matthew wasn't with him, whatever the reason I was more talkative. 

"How've you been?" Brian looked at me kind of shocked that I had begun the conversation. 

"Okay" 

"Okay, is that all?" 

"Well what do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie, tell you that over the past year and a half I've been unbelievably happy? Because I haven't" 

"Well what do you want me to say you chose to be with him, you told me you didn't love me anymore, do you have any idea what that was like?" 

Brian's silent at this point, whilst I settled down under the covers of the bed. I turned away from him so he couldn't see the tears that flowed down my face. I then heard Brian taking of his shoes. He pulled the covers down and climbed on to the bed, pressed his body flush against mine and put his arms around my waist. He then whispered into my ear the words I've wanted to come from Brian Kinney's mouth for 7 years "I love you Justin". To say I was shocked was a total understatement; I was so confused but yet surprisingly happy. At the time I had so many questions I wanted answering but just having him there next to me was indescribable so I simply said back "I love you too Brian". I felt him relax more against me and he then lightly kissed the back of my neck. That was the start of "us" again. 

In the morning we said our good-byes, Brian wasn't flying out till Sunday afternoon getting back to New York in time for work on Monday. He said he'd call me Monday evening and he did. We arranged to meet for dinner Tuesday night. I went and thankfully he was already there, this time I think he actually wanted it to work and so did I more than anything. I asked where Matthew was he told me they had broken up the night of Vic's funeral before coming to see me. Brian told me that things weren't right between him and Matthew for a while. I didn't want the details really I was just ecstatic that their relationship had ended and Brian was there in the restaurant with me. I never went home with Brian that night but I did invite him over for dinner at my place the coming Friday night. He came over, we talked, joked, laughed, basically it felt comfortable and right. He stayed over, the passion and the sexual chemistry between us all the more present. That's how thing's continued over the next two months, we dated which was something we never really did. Matthew's name never came up, I never mentioned him neither did Brian. At this point we hadn't really discussed about tricking and monogamy. I wasn't fucking anyone else I never really did when I was with Brian, I mean why bother Brian's the best lover…like ever. I was unsure about him though. My mind was put at ease though when at the beginning of last month, which was November, I invited Brian back to my place. We walked into my apartment and I immediately went to the answering machine to check my messages. Brian went about getting us a couple of beers from the fridge when throughout my apartment the following message replayed, "hey Justin its Rick I just wanted to thank you for last night and I hope everything is set for tomorrow". Next thing I heard was "who the fuck is Rick?" Brian shouted as he slammed my fridge door. 

"What?" I just stared at him. 

"Who the fuck is Rick…are you fucking him?" 

"He's a client from work" I tell him calmly "and you're the only guy I'm fucking". 

"I'd better be too" I raised my eyebrows at that. He then quietly adds, "you're the only guy I'm fucking as well". I just simply walked over to him and kissed him. That's when I really started to begin trusting him again. And now, well over a month later coming back to the present day things are actually perfect between Brian and me. No tricks, no Matthew, no other guys just us. That's the way it will always be, because in the year and a half we were apart I thought about suicide but no matter who comes between us whether it be an Ethan or a Matthew we'll always end up together. I think there's a perfect person out there for everyone and I truly believe Brian's mine.


End file.
